Monday, July 6, 2009

A Dozen Things Men Should Know (but Most Don’t)



1. Running Water Is Your Friend

Never forget that cologne is for after showering, not instead of showering. And as far as cologne goes, it's not flea dip, guys. A little drop goes a long way. Believe it or not, you could toss all that manly perfume stuff, anyway -- and not just because most guys in cologne commercials look like they have the hots for other guys in cologne commercials. It's because women like the way you smell. There's this little thing nature came up with called pheromones that cologne just gets in the way of. So don't mess with animal instinct, and let the "natural you" do its wafting -- after, of course, a shower.

2. Ponytails

On us? Cute.
On you? Not so cute.

3. Your Back Should Never Be Mistaken For A Throw Rug

If there's a thicket of brush back there, call the fire department to have it cleared, or take it like a man and have it waxed.

4. Skip The Dumb Questions

If your girlfriend is quiet for a while, never ask her, "What are you thinking?" I guarantee the answer won't be "How attractive and unannoying you are" or "The Mets are up seven to six." The same goes for the question "Why aren't you smiling?" That answer will never be fun.

5. Don't Trust The Ladies' Room

When you're out somewhere and two women go to the bathroom together, they're definitely talking about you. (Sometimes, I swear, they never even go in the stall, there's so much to discuss.)

6. Just Put It Out!

A man's breath after a cigar is akin to the odor of a skunk's track shoe after running a marathon. Save the stogies for when you're hanging with your own kind.

7. Don't Get It From The Radio

Taking advice about women from overweight Hawaiianshirt- wearin' radio shock jocks will get you where they are . . . sitting alone by themselves in a very dark room.

8. It's A Numbers Game

If you ask a woman for her phone number but she asks for yours instead, she's not interested in you. In fact, she's more likely to call that 800 number promising a six- figure income buying homes in foreclosure.

9. Pull It Out

When the check comes on a first date, if a woman takes out her wallet, it's purely for show. She has no intention of paying, nor should you let her. I know it's not fair, but in exchange you get to run the world.

10. Put On Your Walking Shoes

Always walk a woman to her car. Even if it's Gloria Steinem and she declines, walk her to her car. Or in Steinem's case, offer to walk her across the street. (Sorry, Gloria. We're all getting older.) And always wait until a woman's car has driven safely away. (Then you can ask an even bigger man than you to walk you to your car.)

11. The Unfriendly Skies

Never take your shoes off on a plane. Please find other ways to show your "relaxed side."

12. Keep It Shiny

If you're bald, be bald. Women much prefer "no hair" to "dead squirrel hair."

(I'm from New York, and the thirteenth bagel is always free when you order a dozen, so here's an extra added tip.)

13. Stay On Your Side

You never need to ask a woman before going on a date if she would like to drive. She never wants to drive. Even if it's Danica Patrick, the answer is no.

Excerpted from When You Lie About Your Age, the Terrorists Win by Carol Leifer. (c) 2009 by Carol Leifer. Reprinted by arrangement with The Random House Publishing Group.

Author Bio
Carol Leifer, author of When You Lie About Your Age, the Terrorists Win: Reflections on Looking in the Mirror, is an accomplished stand-up comedian and an Emmy-nominated writer and producer for her work on such television shows as Seinfeld, The Larry Sanders Show, Saturday Night Live, and the Academy Awards. She has starred in several of her own comedy specials, which have aired on HBO, Showtime, and Comedy Central. Her "big break" came when David Letterman unexpectedly showed up one night at the Comic Strip in New York City and caught Carol's show. His visit led to her making twenty-five guest appearances on Late Night with David Letterman. Carol has also been seen on The Tonight Show, Real Time with Bill Maher, Late Night with Conan O'Brien, and The Oprah Winfrey Show. She starred in and created the WB sitcom Alright Already. She lives in Santa Monica with her partner, their son, and their seven rescue dogs.

We have one (1) copy of When You Lie About Your Age, the Terrorists Win: Reflections on Looking in the Mirror to give away to one lucky reader.

There are several ways to enter - here are the rules:

Please note: Your email address MUST either be in your comment or available on your blogger profile or your entry will NOT count!! **

* Leave us a comment on any post here at Pink Lemonade (be sure to comment on this post & let us know where you commented). Feel free to leave a comment on this post telling us why you may need this book.

* Become a follower on Twitter. Leave me a comment to let me know your twitter name (if you are already a follower, leave me a comment with your twitter name).

* Become a fan on our new Facebook page. Leave me a comment to let me know your Facebook name.

* Subscribe to our RSS Feed or sign up to receive Pink Lemonade by Email. Leave me a comment to let me know you. If you are already a subscriber, leave me a comment and let me know.

* Blog about our contest on your blog. Leave me a comment with your post url.

* Place our widget on your blog (it's toward the bottom of this page in the far right column - just click "get widget" at the bottom of the widget). Leave me a comment with your site url.

* Become a member of our Social Network. Leave a comment with your username.

There you have it! Seven very simple ways to enter our contest - how easy is that? Complete rules can be found on our Contest page.

This contest ends Sunday, July 12th at 11:59pm (pdst) so don't wait - make sure you've gotten all seven entries! Please note: entries received after the cutoff time will be deleted prior to drawing a winner.

- Liz

Posted by Liz of Pink Lemonade

21 comments:

Pam said...

I could use a good laugh; that's why I need this book.

melacan at hotmail dot com

Pam said...

subscribe via google reader

melacan at hotmail dot com

Pamela Kramer said...

This sounds like a great book!

Pamela Kramer said...

I'm already a subscriber.

Pamela Kramer said...

I'm already following on Twitter and Facebook.

yadgirl said...

I'd like to win.

jennymartin116 said...

I think this looks funny--can always use a light hearted read!

jennymartin116 said...

i follow u on twitter
jennymartin116

jennymartin116 said...

im a facebook fan

jennymorrillmartin

jennymartin116 said...

im a subscriber
jennyandstephen9@verizon.net

Julie G said...

facebook fan~Julie Gordon


babybird1025@aol.com

Julie G said...

First I would read this for a good laugh then pass it on to my older brother who has been single a few years..Maybe he could use some advice :)

babybird1025@aol.com

Julie G said...

I am a subscriber

babybird1025@aol.com

windycindy said...

This book sounds unique and intriguing! It sounds like a great book to read this summer.
Many thanks, Cindi
jchoppes[at]hotmail[dot]com

windycindy said...

I follow you on Twitter!
Many thanks, Cindi
cmh512

windycindy said...

Also, I am a fan on your Facebook Page!
Again, thanks!
Cindi
Cindi Hoppes

Terra H. said...

I really want to read this book.
partymix25(at)hotmail(dot)com

Terra H. said...

I follow you on Twitter, partymix25
partymix25(at)hotmail(dot)com

Terra H. said...

email subscriber
partymix25(at)hotmail(dot)com

Debs Desk said...

I would love to be included in your giveaway. This book sounds great.
Thanks
debbie
debdesk9(at)verizon.net

Debs Desk said...

I am a subscriber.
Thanks
debbie
debdesk9(at)verizon.net