Thursday, May 8, 2014

Boyz, Guyz, and Men

What kind of dad would your partner be?

by Maryanne Comaroto

Every time you're with your partner, the feeling is the same. You're naturally drawn toward each other, the sex is unbelievable, and you couldn't imagine things being better. But are you considering all the possibilities? What if you got pregnant, even if you were trying your best not to? A man who is good in bed is not necessarily parent material.

Yeah, it might turn out okay in the end - who knows, you might even end up with the fairytale wedding, or at least a commitment. But don't you think it's smarter to find out now what sort of man you might end up being committed to, for better or worse? Is he the sort of man who understands all the potential repercussions of sex, and is determined to be responsible, no matter what?

In other words, you need to know if you're with a boy, a guy, or a man...

  • Boy sees girl; boy thinks, she'd look good naked.
  • Girl says hi; boy thinks, she'd like to see me naked!
  • Girl gives her phone number; boy plans for sex.
  • Girl agrees to meet; boy brings a condom.
  • Girl allows a kiss; boy goes for second base.
  • Girl allows the touching; boy goes for sex.
  • Girl starts talking about commitment; boy starts looking for another girl.
This probably happens most often in high school, when the boy and girl are still struggling with the basics of self-esteem. But that doesn't mean that adults are immune from these kinds of patterns, as you can see:

  • Guy sees girl; guy thinks, she'd look good naked.
  • Gal flashes a smile; guy knows it's on.
  • Gal asks for his number; guy gives his office voicemail... just in case she's a stalker.
  • Gal calls for a date; guy suggests Tuesday, early drinks.
  • Gal fantasizes about kids with him; guy hopes she's not a chatterbox.
  • Gal goes for sex; guy gets out of there right afterwards.
  • Gal calls and calls; guy thinks, I should have known she'd be a stalker.
  • Gal thinks men all act like pigs; guy thinks, I wonder if she'd have sex with me again.
This time around, the boy has still not become a man, and emotionally he's not much better than he was at puberty. This sort of unilateral relationship is made worse by him being not only aware, but deceptive about it.

  • Man sees woman; man thinks, I wonder what she wants in life.
  • Woman warms to him; man wonders if she's the real deal.
  • Man invites her out; woman accepts happily.
  • Woman shares her hopes and dreams; man notices how similar they are to his.
  • Man acts consistently with his words; woman learns to trust him.
  • Man gives his heart; woman drops her drawers.
  • Woman is honest with him; man speaks his mind.
  • They both do their best to encourage and enhance each other's lives!
We all have natural desires to be with someone who will hold us, touch us, be close to us, and have sex with us. Those things all help us become aware of our place on this planet, both on an individual path and as part of a larger whole. Along the way it helps to note, from time to time, the differences between the boyz and the men. Even if children are not in the picture, building a healthy relationship is more likely if you are focusing on the men.

The definitions of boyz, guyz, and men come from Chapter Six of Maryanne’s latest book, Hindsight: What You Need to Know Before You Drop Your Drawers. If you’d like some time-tested, practical tools for your Relationship Tool Belt, you can buy the book at and learn how to turn your dream relationship into reality! Here's Maryanne talking about navigating relationships in shadows that are larger than life...

- Maryanne

by Maryanne Comaroto of Maryanne Live

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