Thursday, September 11, 2014

Sexual evolution: what level are we at?

by Maryanne Comaroto

Question: I'm curious to know why you think that dropping drawers is the end-all be-all point of no return. The reason I ask is that I have studied various naked and nearly naked cultures, not just in the human realm, but also among primates, who share 98% of their DNA with ours. In these cultures, there are no drawers to be dropped, and yet they seem to be quite evolved sexually, and have children who grow up understanding sexual boundaries and living peacefully. Why do you think that is?

Answer: In order to answer this question about why dropping drawers is so important in our society when that line doesn't even exist in other societies, we have to look at some other very important disparities. For one, we have fostered a culture in which women are often seen as objects, as victims, or even as prey. Ted Bundy probably put it best when he said that as long as pornography is a part of our culture, men will continue to harm women. This may help us understand why we cannot have the sort of peaceful society where we can all wander around naked - it's just not safe for women yet. Naked cultures have the advantage that they are not constantly bombarded with images of women as victims, and they are not culturally programmed that way.

If we could take the 2% of DNA difference we have from primates and put it to good use, it's possible we could reverse these trends in our society. I have seen a direct relationship between pausing before dropping drawers to think about the consequences, and the level of suffering in relationships. If we can use our minds to help us wait a little longer before simply reacting on our impulses, we might find that our relationships will be more sustainable. Unfortunately, there is no government agency to help warn people about the dangers of things like drinking alcohol while dating, which is another danger that naked cultures are not exposed to.

The purpose of writing Hindsight, What You Need to Know Before You Drop Your Drawers was to provide people with the inspiration to exercise their ability to delay gratification, to practice pausing before dropping their drawers in order to build up the muscles of discipline. If, as a society, we can get past our need to have things right now, we can discover what freedom there is in discipline, in the ability to make choices rather than just reacting to impulses. It is possible that in the foreseeable future, we can indeed change our priorities, to value and respect those things that are naturally sacred, rather than stepping over the final boundary without pausing to think.

But there is one more important distinction between us and primates, aside from our ability to transform our way of thinking. A lot of the 2% difference between us and them is our ability to scrutinize our actions before we take them, to see the consequences and consider whether or not to drop our drawers at all. Having said that, there is no problem with taking healthy relationship models wherever we may find them, whether that be in other human cultures, animal cultures, or wherever. If we can learn something from the way these cultures have evolved into their current sexual societies, there is no reason for me to stand in the way of that! Good role models can be found in many places, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with learning everything we can from them.

- Maryanne

by Maryanne Comaroto of Maryanne Live

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