Yesterday was a challenge in many ways. I spent most of the day crying my way through appointments, crying before and after my radio show, and crying while sitting in the parking lot. When I was done, I cried some more. The point of all this crying was that I was following a cue from a dream I'd had the night before. When I woke up yesterday, the dream was still so vivid and heavy in my mind that I knew there was a message there. I spent about half an hour in an attempt at analysis, and then finally I just gave up and let myself become a part of the cloud of darkness that was hanging over me. Thus began the crying.
These things never come at a convenient time, like when I have a day to myself or when I'm alone somewhere. I resented having to cry myself through a full schedule of appointments, but I trust my practice enough to know that when the time comes and the emotions present themselves, the best think to do is to work through them right then and there, rather than to try to hold it in for a "better" time.
As I got toward the end of my crying, I realized what the message of the dream had been: "you're sad, and you need to cry about that." And that was it, it was really that simple. I had some grief I'd been holding in, some from a while ago and some recent, and it simply refused to be ignored any longer. The great thing about the current me (versus the me of ten years ago) is that I no longer feel anxious, ashamed, or apologetic about expressing my emotions whenever and wherever I need to. I didn't over-explain myself to the people who witnessed my crying (and there were a lot of them); I just said whatever I needed to say to be true to myself, and left it at that. As a result, I got truth back tenfold, in the form of Kleenex and lots of great hugs.
In the evening when I checked my email, a friend had sent me this Hopi prayer. Isn't it amazing how the Divine notices when you have an empty space where grief used to be, and fills it up with gifts instead? I thought I would share this gift with you, in case you need it for support, for hope, for encouragement, or just as permission to cry. Enjoy!
“You have been telling the people that this is the Eleventh Hour
Now you must go back and tell the people that this is the Hour.
And there are things to be considered:
Where are you living?
What are you doing?
What are your relationships? Are you in right relationship?
Where is your water? Know your garden.
It is a time to speak your Truth.
Create your community. Be good to each other.
And do not look outside yourself for the leader.
This could be a good time!
There is a river flowing now very fast.
It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid.
They will try to hold on to the shore.
They will feel they are being torn apart, and they will suffer greatly.
Know the river has its destination.
The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river
See who is in there with you
At this time in history we are to take nothing personally.
Least of all ourselves.
For the moment that we do, our spiritual growth and journey comes to a halt.
The time of the lone wolf is over. Gather yourselves!
Banish the word “struggle” from your attitude and your vocabulary.
All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration.
We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.”
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by Maryanne Comaroto of Maryanne Live