I was helping a reporter with his column, on the subject of Valentine's Day. His first question: "where can a single person go to meet people?"
I told him the truth: that question is impossible to answer without additional information. I mean, if you're hungry, I could send you out to a restaurant that I like, but you might get there and find that you hate it! No two people want or like exactly the same things, and trying to force one standard to fit everyone is an exercise in futility. Yet, that is how most people approach dating, as if there were some magic place out there where anyone could go and find the right person for them. Sure, I can name plenty of singles bars, and you could probably go to any one of them and find "someone"... providing that you're not terribly picky about whom you end up with.
But you probably want something a little more specific than that. So why not take the time and effort and outline exactly what it is you want? Otherwise, dating just becomes random, trying person after person in hopes that this one will be the one. You might get lucky and strike gold, but you'll have a much better chance if you get clear about what kind of person you want to meet before you start looking, and then hang out at the sorts of places where you'd expect that kind of person to be. Or if you like a bit of mystery thrown in there, surround yourself with a peer group who share your preferences and values, and see what happens.
The reporter then asked me about Valentine's Day, and what single people should do to cope. "It doesn't have to be about coping," I replied, "if you take the attitude that this is a day for celebrating the love you have for yourself. There's no need to wait for someone else to give you the things you want - you can start having everything you want right now. Go have a spa treatment, watch your favorite movies, or spend time reading a book you love. Life will reflect back to you exactly what you put out there, so if you use Valentine's day as a celebration of yourself, and carry that attitude out through everything you do, then you won't be single for much longer."
He rephrased his first question in a different way: "where can single people find the hottest meeting places?" he asked.
"Like I said before, it's not about everyone showing up at some magic singles bar," I replied, "because there is no one place that has the answers, except in the sense that the magic place is inside yourself. You have to take the time and effort to learn who you are and what you're looking for, and concentrate on putting that message out to the world. Once you get out there focused on what you want, then life will start reflecting that back to you, no matter where you go."
Think about the dating mistakes you've made in the past. They ended up in heartbreak, yes? So do it differently this time - focus on yourself and what you want, and let that desire point you in the right direction.
In summary: look within yourself rather than "out there," and go out in the world and do the things that make you happy!
Any more questions? Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org and we’ll answer them on the air every Tuesday morning from 10-11 am on www.healthylife.net.
To find out if you're looking for Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now, watch Maryanne's video on the subject:
by Maryanne Comaroto of Maryanne Live