Friday, March 20, 2015

How can you convey love?

By Maryanne Comaroto

We have lots of different ways that we try to convey love, through certain behaviors or words or actions.  But these actions can be empty, as well - it all depends or where the gesture comes from, and that's what makes the difference.

For example, you might think that you're being loving by not speaking frankly in an argument in order to spare your partner's feelings, but what good is that if in the end you bottle your resentments up and end up taking it out on them in other ways?  Not very!

If you want to convey love to your partner, here are a few starting points:

1. Listen to your partner, both the verbal and non-verbal cues.  Most people are quite good at communicating what they want, even if they don't specifically use the words to say it.  You don't have to read your partner's mind, but start learning to interpret the ways in which they clue you in to what they need.  If your partner has said, "wouldn't it be great to eat at a restaurant" five times this week, guess what?  There's your hint.

2.  Study your partner.  I bet that, even if you've been together a long time, there are still some basic things you don't know about each other.  What does your partner like on their burger?  What sorts of things do they struggle with?  What's their favorite color?  Learn to start caring about the little things that make your partner the person they are, and this investment of time and energy will come back to you tenfold.

3.  Consider the things that would make your partner happy, and integrate that into your daily awareness.  Be aware that these things could change on a daily basis as circumstances change, so check in with your partner regularly to find out what they need, what they want, and what would make their life a little easier.  Make these things a priority as if their happiness were your own.

4.  Start acting on the things you know you can do to make your partner's life a little happier.  Don't blow things off just because you think they're too insignificant to make a difference; even small things can have a huge impact when it comes to improving someone's day or someone's life.  For example, if you've asked or observed that your partner likes their coffee with two sugars and soy milk, make the effort to ensure that there's always enough soy milk in the house for the following morning, and when you're making your own coffee, why not make theirs the way they like it?  It doesn't take much effort and it can make a big difference in how their day goes.

5.  Grow together.  It sounds kind of corny, but finding new ways to grow together and through each other will enrich your lives and your relationship greatly.  Discover new things together, make an effort to explore your world together, share new things with each other as they come up, and ask each other new questions as you think of them.

These are just some places to start from, but you can expand and include some of your own ideas!  The true meaning of joy is through learning to bring joy to those we love, and that comes from a place of real love.

Like I always say, if you actually care, then act like it!
Great relationships begin within!

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